Attachment - Blog Buzz

RLC blog Buzz question this week.... "How did attachment go during your first year? Describe what you did to prepare for attachment as well as the joys and challenges of attachment during your first year home."


In preparation for adoption I read every book I could get my hands on. Some were helpful and some not. I think a lot of what I learned was just through experience, although I do recommend being informed before going into adoption. Even more than reading, talking to families who had already adopted and seeking their knowledge and wisdom was the best preparation.

I think the first year of attachment was not not easy. In fact, I tell a lot of people now that attachment is a long process and people should expect it to take several years. The biggest lesson I learned in our first year home is that attachment cannot be forced. It has to be natural. I tried several methods to form attachment with my children. I don't feel that any of them worked.

What worked best for us was being together a lot. This allowed the attachment to form naturally. I did not send our children to school, but rather homeschooled them. We spent every waking moment together. Even if it was doing chores. I would look for ways daily to spend time together. Reading a book, while cuddling on the couch, making cookies together, doing my daughter's hair or nails, playing cards with my son.... simple ways to facilitate bonding. We did not go many places and kept visitors to the minimum. We spent most of time just with one another and I believe that is the best way for attachment to start.

Many people do not understand that these children often do not know how to trust anyone. They need to feel safe and secure. Establishing a routine that the child can expect every day is one of way doing this. Keeping activities and distractions to the minimum and spending a lot of one on one time is key. Children thrive on routine and knowing what to expect each day.